Champaign, IL -
The Vanger Petfood Company today introduced a new line of cat food featuring
Squirrel, Robin, Mouse and Rat flavors. Company spokesperson Harry Keyster
said the new line features real squirrel, robin and mouse meat, although
the rat flavor is really enhanced mouse meat.
"Cats love them," said Keyster, "because they are much closer to what
cats are used to eating in the wild. Cats evolved eating rodents
and birds, and they remain their favorite and healthiest food."
He added that the products are all natural, contain no preservatives,
and will produce healthier, more alert pets.
In an attempt to cut off outraged comments at the pass, let me say
up front that this is a fake story. However, the Dowbrigade firmly
believes that such a product line would be quite popular, bot among
human mascots. These ARE the natural foods of cats, after all,
and you can’t reprogram the digestive system of a species in a few thousand
years. How many cats do you think have hunted down cows or caught tuna
on their own?
Now, no one is claiming that this line is going to replace Kibbles
or Fancy Feast. But as a novelty, among naturalists and vicarious
predators, and in other feline niche markets, we think it has a future. And
now that it has been featured in a dated blog entry, anyone wanting to
develop this idea is going to have to talk to the Dowbrigade first.