Dowbrigade

They don’t
make politicians like they used to.  The Dowbrigade pines for the
likes of Lucius Quinctius
Cincinnatus to appear on the American scene.
  Cincinnatus, after a long and distinguished career of public and
military service, had retired to the life of a gentleman farmer.  He
was reportedly tilling his North 40 in 458 B.C. when an urgent messenger
arrived from the beleaguered Roman Senate.  Under attack from the
Aequi tribe from the east and the Volscians from the southeast, the Senate
had voted
Cincinnatus
Dictator and handed him the reins of the entire Roman Empire.

Cincinnatus reluctantly agreed.  It took him all of 16 days to
utterly vanquish those pesky Aequi and Volscians, at which time he promptly
resigned the Dictatorship. Incredibly, he again briefly came out of retirement
almost 20 years later to put down an uprising of the Plebians.

After prolonged consideration, and barring the appearance of a modern
day Cincinnatus, the Dowbrigade has decided to endorse Howard Dean for
President. Although we doubt he will ever return to private practice,
at least the man knows what it’s like to work for a living, having lived
a rather full and regular life before becoming a politician. Most of
the rest of this sorry lot appear to have decided to run for President
in the 1st grade.

Of course, astute pundits and prognosticators should note that historically
the endorsement of the Dowbrigade is the presidential kiss of death.  Quite
frankly, we haven’t backed a winner since Jimmy Carter, and we all know
how THAT turned out. In the past three elections we have backed Dr.
John Hagelin of the Natural Law Party, an MIT physics professor who claims
he can solve all of humanities problems if every person on the planet
will kick in 10 cents and practice an hour of Transcendental Meditation
every day.

This strikes the Dowbrigade as at least as reasonable as the much more
mundane but equally vaporwareish pronouncements of the other candidates.  Unfortunately,
Dr. Hagelin has decided to sit this one out, and has endorsed Dennis
Kucinich instead. The Dowbrigade prefers to stick with the Doctoral
Candidate.
Hey, we’re
on a streak.

BERLIN (Reuters) – German police charged a man with drugs possession
after officers spotted a small quantity of heroin concealed in his
ear when he entered a police station to check if he was on their
wanted list.

"
I suppose he may have heard he was wanted for some offence and just wanted
to see if the police had anything on him," Volker Pieper, a spokesman
for police in the central city of Kassel, said Tuesday. "It didn’t
go quite as he had planned."

As the 33-year-old man, a known drug abuser, questioned police, an officer
noticed a suspicious lump stuck in his ear which turned out to be a gram
of heroin, said Pieper. Police confiscated the drug before filing charges.

from Reuters

Possible
Dean Presidency for Future State

CHARLOTTE, Vt. (Wireless Flash) — Vermont may soon
vamoose from the United States if a group of citizens has its
way. The Second Vermont Republic is a group that is trying to rouse
interest in secession among the state’s 600,000 residents to avoid
what organizer
Thomas Naylor calls "imperial overstretch" and "corporate
homogenization."

He says that Vermont is a relatively rural place that has nothing
in common with big cities like Los Angeles or Chicago. Therefore,
Naylor says separating from the Union is the only way to ensure the "Green
Mountain State" stays green.

Naylor is planning the secession to be as non-violent as possible
and insists that his goal is to merely free Vermont from the chains
of 49 other states.

From NC News

Champaign, IL -
The Vanger Petfood Company today introduced a new line of cat food featuring
Squirrel, Robin, Mouse and Rat flavors. Company spokesperson Harry Keyster
said the new line features real squirrel, robin and mouse meat, although
the rat flavor is really enhanced mouse meat.

"Cats love them," said Keyster, "because they are much closer to what
cats are used to eating in the wild.  Cats evolved eating rodents
and birds, and they remain their favorite and healthiest food."

He added that the products are all natural, contain no preservatives,
and will produce healthier, more alert pets.

In an attempt to cut off outraged comments at the pass, let me say
up front that this is a fake story.  However, the Dowbrigade firmly
believes that such a product line would be quite popular, bot among
cats and
their
human mascots. These ARE the natural foods of cats, after all,
and you can’t reprogram the digestive system of a species in a few thousand
years. How many cats do you think have hunted down cows or caught tuna
on their own?

Now, no one is claiming that this line is going to replace Kibbles
or Fancy Feast.  But as a novelty, among naturalists and vicarious
predators, and in other feline niche markets, we think it has a future. And
now that it has been featured in a dated blog entry, anyone wanting to
develop this idea is going to have to talk to the Dowbrigade first.