make politicians like they used to. The Dowbrigade pines for the
likes of Lucius Quinctius
Cincinnatus to appear on the American scene.
Cincinnatus, after a long and distinguished career of public and
military service, had retired to the life of a gentleman farmer. He
was reportedly tilling his North 40 in 458 B.C. when an urgent messenger
arrived from the beleaguered Roman Senate. Under attack from the
Aequi tribe from the east and the Volscians from the southeast, the Senate
Dictator and handed him the reins of the entire Roman Empire.
Cincinnatus reluctantly agreed. It took him all of 16 days to
utterly vanquish those pesky Aequi and Volscians, at which time he promptly
resigned the Dictatorship. Incredibly, he again briefly came out of retirement
almost 20 years later to put down an uprising of the Plebians.
After prolonged consideration, and barring the appearance of a modern
day Cincinnatus, the Dowbrigade has decided to endorse Howard Dean for
President. Although we doubt he will ever return to private practice,
at least the man knows what it’s like to work for a living, having lived
a rather full and regular life before becoming a politician. Most of
the rest of this sorry lot appear to have decided to run for President
in the 1st grade.
Of course, astute pundits and prognosticators should note that historically
the endorsement of the Dowbrigade is the presidential kiss of death. Quite
frankly, we haven’t backed a winner since Jimmy Carter, and we all know
how THAT turned out. In the past three elections we have backed Dr.
John Hagelin of the Natural Law Party, an MIT physics professor who claims
he can solve all of humanities problems if every person on the planet
will kick in 10 cents and practice an hour of Transcendental Meditation
This strikes the Dowbrigade as at least as reasonable as the much more
mundane but equally vaporwareish pronouncements of the other candidates. Unfortunately,
Dr. Hagelin has decided to sit this one out, and has endorsed Dennis
Kucinich instead. The Dowbrigade prefers to stick with the Doctoral
on a streak.