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 Oy vey,
is it Valentine’s Day again,
so soon? For some reason Valentine’s day has never been a favorite of
the Dowbrigade. Our Personal Best in the V-Day sweepstakes was in 3rd
grade, just as the Beatles swept into the American consciousness. Perhaps
because of our fashionable bowl cut, or perhaps because it was a school
requirement, we got a Valentine from every kid in the class that year.
Since then it’s
gone
downhill
all the
way. But
hey, who’s counting?
The Dowbrigade’s lack of understanding of the opposite sex is legendary,
and as a result our selection of Valentine presents and gestures is strictly
hit and miss. Our all-time best result came the year we bought a box
of 36 school-kids Valentines (Gummi Bears, perhaps), inscribed each one
with "I Love You" in a different language, and hid them all over the
house, in Norma Yvonne’s underwear drawer, in her jewelry case, in the
stored summer clothes, inside suitcases, in the tea bags, her hidden
candy stash, etc.
It worked great. She was finding them for months. After a while,
we got lucky every time she found one. For a while, those were
the ONLY times we got lucky. Who knew? We got the idea on a drivetime
sports radio show the day before Valentine’s Day.
On the other hand, the time we tried to use a coupon to get a free Limo
pickup and ride to some fancy Italian restaurant turned into a fiasco
when we fought with the Limo driver when he demanded a tip in excess
of what a taxi would have cost, followed by a mediocre meal and a chipped
tooth. A total disaster. Again, who knew?
Not your fearless if flummoxed correspondent, obviously. This year,
somehow we have a reprieve and an angle to play. Norma Yvonne will
be OUT OF STATE on Valentine’s Day! In Texas, visiting a niece! Won’t
be back til Monday!
This gives us three extra days to find a suitable gift, and for two
of those days we can take advantage of AFTER-VALENTINE’S DAY SALES! We
can get all the crud nobody else wanted, at significant savings. Any
ideas?
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