Dowbrigade

”Morneau should have cut it. Joe should have caught it. Silva should have ate it. Rodriguez shouldn’t have hit the guy in the head.”
Twins manager Ron Gardenhire, after Johnny Damon hit a single and went all the way around to score in a bizarre sequence featuring two Twins errors and a throw to the plate [...]

Chronically violent prison inmates, who officials
were forced to relocate when doors in their Walpole cellblock began mysteriously
opening without cause, lashed out in two other prisons where they were
transferred this week, prison [...]

CHELSEA — The high school here will try a new way
this fall to make students show up for school: Pay them.
Under a privately funded program, students will get up to $125 a year for
perfect attendance [...]

JOHANNESBURG — A man was eaten by lions after running
past guards into Kruger National Park at dusk just as the gates were
closing, park officials said yesterday.
Park spokesman Raymond Travers
[...]

LOS ANGELES — Astronomers announced yesterday that
they have discovered a new planet larger than Pluto in orbit around the
sun.
The unnamed planet would be the 10th in the solar system, although there
[...]

Today’s comics page features two quite different ways
of dealing with the old cat-on-our-favorite-chair conundrum….

As opposed to….