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 EL PASO, June 8 (AP) – Gov. Rick Perry has announced
a $5 million plan to install hundreds of night-vision cameras along the
Mexican border and to put the live video on the Internet, so that anyone
with a computer who sights illegal immigrants trying to slip across can
report it on a toll-free hot line.
from the NYTimes
Fantastic idea, and a great example of thinking outside
the box to apply the nascent Net to the perplexing problems of our times.
We are sure this real-life first-person shooter would be at least as
popular as Everquest or World of Warcraft.
We certainly hope that in addition to the way hip
night-vision technology these robotic cameras feature a remote user directional
control, and a good telephoto lens, so that when an internet user spots
one of them suckers he or she can center the villain in the crosshairs and zoom way in.
Also, although the 1-800 number for reporting finds
would work, it would be much cooler if we had a hot line button on the
browser or a keyboard shortcut that would automatically and instantly
notify the border patrol with the location and direction of the camera.
And why stop with on-line searching. when the technology
exists today to move on up to search and destroy, or at least identify
and immobilize. It’s probably too much to hope that the liberal
wimp lobby would allow us to mount twin .50 caliber machine guns on each
camera platform, synched with the camera direction and focal distance.
But maybe we could get them to wire the web watchers
to paint guns loaded with phosphorescent glow-in-the-dark indelible dye,
making it incredibly easy to round the criminals up.
The very least they could do would be to wire some kickass
speakers to the camera platform wired to the microphones in our computers
so that when we spot them we can at least scare the shit out of them,
and
try
to convince
them
to
freeze and stay where they are until the forces of order can arrive.
Of course, this would make the volunteer services
of right-thinking bi-lingual Americans like the Dowbrigade absolutely invaluable: "Oye, Pedro,
no te muevas. Te tenemos acorralado. Alejate del burro. Alejate del burrito,
tambien. No me busques, no puedes verme. Soy el espiritu santo de los
patriotas americanos, y si te mueves, te caera un rayo."
Once again the great state of Texas has placed itself
on the cutting edge by promoting through technology citizen participation
in state security and protectionist policies. Who needs the Bald Eagle
Cam, when we can bounty hunt wetbacks from the comfort of our bedrooms.
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