When the Red Sox acquired relief pitcher (now #3 starter)
Julio Tavarez, our first thought was, "Finally, the Red Sox have a
player uglier than
(Yankees ace) Randy Johnson!" (Personal disclaimer: the only person to
ever refer to the Dowbrigade as "handsome" was our paternal grandmother).
Undoubtedly, these were t he two ugliest dudes in
Major League Baseball. Our theory was, if they ever appeared on-screen
at the same time,
plasma TVs across America would explode, unprotected infants would
and aesthetes into shock.
Well, as predicted by the axiom that any weird thing that could possible
happen, inevitably will, tonight at Yankee Stadium, Johnson and Tavarez
are the starting pitchers as the Sox and Yankees square off in an
absolutely meaningless four game series. When was the last time the
Sox and their arch-nemesis played two consecutive double-headers
and absolutely nobody gave a shit? Maybe never.
Anyway, we are waiting to see if the two ugliest men in baseball
ever actually appear on the screen at the same time, and if so, what
that will have. Needless to say, we are watching on an expendable
10-year-old CRT and have applied several chemical masking agents
buffers. After all, we are living in dangerous times.