Devil Worshippers Lose Pro Team
When your bad reputation is exceeded only by an uninterrupted record of failure and ineptitude, sometimes the only thing to do is to change your name. Not only does this often throw creditors off the track, but can offer a psychic fresh start, a karmic reset, a new beginning. Such is desperation of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, decade-long doormats of the American League, that they have resorted to exorcising the Devil from their name.
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That’s right, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are now officially just the Tampa Bay Rays! But the story behind the story is not their dismal path to baseball’s worst record (Tampa Bay has never had a .500 season in their 10-year existence); rather it is the word team officials have decided to eliminate – the “Devil” in the details! After extensive research we can definitively report that this is not an isolated incident. Rather, it is part of a concerted campaign to wipe out Merry Old Mephistopheles from our common culture, our sporting life, and our very language.
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This campaign includes the depuration of morally offensive sports nicknames like “L’il Devils” “Redskins” “Braves” and “Turks” as well as sexual entendres like “The Stallions” “The Trojans” “The Beavers” and “The Cooz“. It is also part and parcel of the War on Halloween, which has lately been condemned from pulpits across America as a Godless Bonanza for candy companies and dental clinics, personally sponsored by Lucifer himself.
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The latest front of this fundamentalist campaign against the Prince of Darkness and his linguistic minions attempts to purify the English Language itself. While dropping the Devil from the Rays left them with an euphonious Tampa Bay Rays, many of the other devils in our language will not be so easy to exorcise.
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For example, what are we going to do with “Devil’s Food Cake”? We can’t just drop the D-word and say “Food Cake”. Is “Demon’s Food Cake” sufficiently non-ecclesiastic?
If we want to maintain alliteration and a negative message, we might transform Daredevil into “Daredoofus“. Of course, alliteration can be overrated, and if the idea is that this devil is an evil fellow, perhaps “Deviled Eggs” could become something like “Ogre Eggs”.
It may no longer be acceptable to have a “devil-may-care” attitude; instead we might refer to a “douchebag-may-care” attitude. We could replace Satan with a more modern figure of ultimate evil in proverbs like “Idle hands are the diddler’s playground.”
Getting Lucifer out of the Language is a noble idea, but like so many other things, the Doo-Doo is in the Details. There comes a point where we need to back off and give the Dark Dork his due. If we start messing with the English language to cater to passing political passions, there’ll be the terrorist to pay.
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January 17th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
666, murder murder jesus. Satomasicism will rule all, all christian and christian off branches, jews, and many other religions ( not buddhists) will perish to the depths of hell. The bible is full of lies. Lucifer WILL rule ALL of earth for eternity and you will all suffer
Jk
April 11th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
fuckin foolas
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:00 am
Well, its ok to wipe out all DEVIL words from wherever you wish, but, please, take all those “Saint A”, “Saint B”, and jesus/mohamed/allah crap along.
I wish I would never have to walk to a street with a lying claimed saint, or enter a building with a cross on some wall.
Lets be honest, no use in wiping out the devil word off names, when the true evil comes from the organized religion, and not just words.
People were made so stupid from religious crap, now they think by just removing a nice word like “devil” from a name, will actually make their players play better.
This is the world you thought you would be in when you were born? I thought, at this point in my life, people would learn there is no god, and would not pay attention to religion anymore, but I was so wrong.
Still taking a while…
September 10th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I hope you idiot devil worshippers will go down with your fucking devil beliefs and go to hell, God will punish you and you will suffer for the rest of your life. No one wants to be friends with some lonly devil worshipper, you creepy idiots, you have no good inside you. you guys probably have no friends and you get abused by your family and you all are emos. Give up about your crap theories and turn to the light. even Atheist no not to worship the devil, its just human to hate evil, but you people there is something really wrong with you, you just like people to suffer, you sadistic fools. you rather be with the devil who will treat you like crap even if you follow him, or be with God who will give you peace and happiness for the rest of your life.ITS UP TO YOU, i know what i will choose.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
i dont under stand you idiotic devil worshipers what do you ownessly think the devil will do for you guys .nothing wanna know why cause he has never done anything to help a person he is full of hatred so do you think lucifer/devil will treat you with respect/dignity. no because he bieleves that we should kill people torture people and be gay. but in gods case he is full of love what did he do to us when we killed his only son nothing becasue he is full of love and respect unlike your “wanna be god lusifer’ if any of you wanna argue back please add my msn is kilok99@hotmail.com please change your additude to god cause no one wants to see you go to hell and be tortured….. kilok99@hotmail.com!!!!@#%
November 19th, 2008 at 9:54 am
let them believe that rubbish we can not judge god will judge them on judgement day!
i believe there is a devil and there is a hell but i dnt like his workings.
Gods in me!
January 10th, 2009 at 12:18 am
fuck you all
January 10th, 2009 at 12:20 am
fuck you devil worshipers
February 12th, 2009 at 2:59 am
jesus is love love and love no matter who u r jesus wil stil love u and now is the time for salvation so pliz im begging turn fromk ur wicked ways and seek the lord while he may be found and call upon hes name while he is near:) JESUS IS COMING SOON
LUV U LOTS SIGA SAVU
March 2nd, 2009 at 6:49 am
THE BLOOD OF JESUS,THE BLOOD OF JESUS,THE BLOOD OF JESUS
April 24th, 2009 at 8:45 am
iI would like to be a member pliz assist
June 1st, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I love fucking wet assholes
June 28th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Hmmm WHY DO PEOPLE WORSHIP THE DEVIL ? WHEN THE DEVIL HIMSELF BELIVES GOD ?? HAHAHAHA CHECK MATE !! FUCKING DUMB ASSES ! (*^_^*)
July 28th, 2009 at 11:53 am
You shall all be DEFEATED in the name of JESUS….i hope someday you get to see the light and change your eveil ways