Editor’s Note: “We’ve turned this post over to a celebrity
because my Flying Saucer is about to take off, and there aren’t enough
hot spots in this part of the galaxy.
The Constitution Drafting Committee of the Martian Transitional “MarsR”
Government sent me here, to see how our Liberator, the United States,
chooses its most powerful judges. Although I listened, typed and read
all week, the elected Transitional Coalition back home wasn’t impressed,
and has already sent me on a new assignment. They told me, quoting one
of my own favorite phrases: “back to the old drawing board.”
Frankly, there were times during this Hearing when I wanted to use my
Acme Time-Space Gun on Senators from both sides of the aisle. Still,
I learned a lot about the American judicial nomination process and might
as well “blog it” (such a euphonic phrase!).
It might shock Earth Bloggers, but
their Martian colleagues — not being used to Free
Speech — merely report facts. Commentary and
opinion are risky things, until we get a final Bill
of Rights installed. Also, we never get snide nor
use irony.
After this hearing, I can say with some certainty,that the following factors
are important in the Senate confirmation process for a Supreme Court
justice:
In the United States of America:
stones (and live under bridges, I think).
- even little girls can grow up to distort the truth as much as male
politicians do
- even “very troubled” persons get to vote on Supreme Court violations
[ed. note: Dr. Freud apparently got to Mars; Marvin meant "nominations"]
- even ardent people of Faith are tolerant of the little white lies used when
applying for a job
“specterLeahy”
- even friendly witnessses can be asked detailed, leading questions
all day long (and no stick-in-the-mud gets to say “ask and answered”)
- even appellate judges get to give fuzzy, circular, non-responsive answers
they would never accept from counsel in oral argument
From the Mean Stream Media and weblogs, I also learned some other
surprising things:
to ask a question than to answer it
Your party registration has a lot to do with your feelings
about Samuel Alito
Personal judicial and political philosophy are the same thing
Former law clerks really like it, when their judge gets to the
Supreme Court.
Okay, I admit this list doesn’t help the Drafting Committee back home very 
much. But is that my fault? My weblogging career is being disintegrated as
I type — and all I did was tell it like I saw it. As I recently said to my former Earth
foe, Bugs Bunny: “Being disintegrated makes me very angry. Very angry indeed.”
In an Instant Message this afternoon, the Committee Chair back in Marsilia wrote:
“This couldn’t possibly be how a Great Nation picks a member of its Highest Court.
You might as well have gone to Uranus!”
That’s when he got the bright idea to actually send me to Uranus to cover their
congressional elections. I should be back in time to see how you choose a President.
yours truly,
Marvin T. Martian
feminists
shudder –
alito
federalists
sigh –
alito
Study windows frosted–
coffee dregs dried
in a chipped ceramic mug
The long drive home–
stumps in the roadside forest
mounded with old snow
“PokerDogs”
A grey dawn–
last night’s poker cards
facedown on the table
“MarsG”
orig.
even 
