Al Hoang

1. Four photographs — two facial close-ups and two full-body shots, preferably dressed in a swimsuit (or even better, nothing at all).
2. Official transcripts showing your grades since college (I don’t want my kids to be dumb).
3. A 1000-word “Statement of Purpose” on why you wish to be my girlfriend. Must indicate clear intent, philosophy on relationships, outlook on life, preferred positions in bed…

You will be notified within 14 days if you are deemed qualified for an in-person interview.