Do you remember how much easier and more resiliently promising everything seemed to be once upon a time, years ago? Sometimes it feels like you take a whole bunch of steps forwards, towards some vision of what an “adult life” might look like, with the requisite loosely-framed beliefs and inevitable responsibilities, hazy plans and daily effort, small triumphs and minor compromises. I filed taxes in Singapore for the first time yesterday (thank God for the ultra-user-friendly e-filing). Last week a group of us discussed the dynamics of arranged marriages in Indian culture and its more universal applicability.
Then other times I feel almost perverse in my instinct to push away as alienated the norms of normalcy, growingly aware of the mismatch between the state of my mind and state of affairs, either imagined or otherwise. Yet I occassionally experience in powerful flashes the strong suspicion that this isn’t it, can’t be it… hopefully.
I’m still in Delhi, give or take a couple 6 hour flights back and forth. I’ve actually fared very well with the pseudo four-day-workweeks, between fly-backs and a birthday holiday for Lord Rama. We’ve switched accomodations, to someplace lots nicer, and with copious amounts of quite thoughtfully curated art everywhere–no insipid watercolors–in the public spaces. I appreciate.
Came across an article about Adorno… and now I really want to read me some Adorno. It’s fun to recall the mind-boggling fun we had those days, trying to speed-read through the excerpted convolutions of Horkheimer, Heidegger and Weber in translation. The titles of those books and articles alone signalled the mental gymnastics to come - Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious, anyone? Good times.
Today I told a funny story about an economics professor XW took a class with… and then it occurred to me later that the professor in question had a Nobel prize, and several bestselling books, and worldwide name-recognition. And there wasn’t anyone around to share in my contentment with this memory. A small pity.
Puff puff is now big enough to wear his diaper Yay!!