When “Staying-at-Home” Is Not A Choice
The Young Women Misbehavin’ blog recently tweeted about Dr Laura’s new book “In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms.” I have never been a fan of Dr. Laura even though I have been in the unfortunate position of being forced to listen to her radio program regularly. In fact, just about everything out of her mouth infuriates me, but her interview on the Today Show got me to thinking about my mom.
If you’ve read my Ada Lovelace post, you’ll know that my mother worked while raising two children. She desperately wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, but we couldn’t afford it. It wasn’t a question of “doing without” unless you mean doing without food and shelter. Before my mother made the decision to return to work, my parents simply couldn’t make ends meet. There simply wasn’t a choice.
So, I’m the product of a working mother and father. More often than not they both missed school events, they didn’t have time to participate in the PTA, and they weren’t very helpful in getting me through some pretty tough times I experienced in jr high school. But my parents provided a very stable home where we always felt safe and loved. And there was never a time that I believed that we weren’t a priority in their lives.
And here I am now a working mother myself. I also haven’t the luxury of staying-at-home with my child due to financial contraints. And this is true for just about everyone else I know as well. While I am unable to sacrifice my career for my children, I most certainly sacrifice the majority of my paycheck for daycare I trust. And I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it because my daughter adores her teachers. They are trained professionals with degrees in child education. They have crafts and music and educational toys that I could never duplicate as a stay-at-home mom. The bottom line is that my daughter is thriving. And that’s enough for me.
“…it is called ‘the women’s movement’ — it is for, by, and about the well-being of women, not children or families. Wait, don’t women benefit from the joy of motherhood and the bonding of marriage? I guess feminism does not see those as significant enough to warrant making the sacrifices necessary for the commitment to child-rearing and wife-ing. I get so confused.”
Did I feel like my mother did not care for my well-being because she had to work? Hell, no. And just for the record, my parents are still married too.
Dr. Laura, what is right for you and your friends isn’t right for me and mine. And it’s thanks to the feminist movement which you disparage that my mother is my most cherished role model. Working didn’t ruin her family or her marriage. Rather, we are all the better for it.
It’s thanks to working women like my mother that I am able to negotiate a flexible schedule at work and that I can afford a top daycare for my child who loves her school. Thanks to an enlightened era brought about by the struggles of women, I have a husband who rejoices in the success of my career, who is a devoted father, who honestly takes on half of the responsibility of running our household and is truly a partner in my life.
I am thankful to every feminist who paved the way before me because thanks to my paycheck I can keep my family in a metropolis like Boston, full of culture and education. My family and I would much prefer that I work than move to an inexpensive town filled with ignorant people who think like you do.
3 comments April 9th, 2009
