One Life

Tonight as I put down Elliot, my 4 month-old daughter, for the night, as always I put my hand on her head and said a benediction from Numbers 6:24-26. I’ve probably said that blessing more than 1500 times not that I’ve know that many Sundays either in the pulpit or in the pews but because I’ve blessed my children each night since Pearl became pregnant with Hannah close to 7 years ago. The blessing goes like this:

Num. 6:24 “‘“The LORD bless you and keep you;
Num. 6:25 the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
Num. 6:26 the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”’

It’s one of those passages that if you really think about it doesn’t make sense. What does it mean to ask God to make His face shine on you? Why pray again for His face to turn towards you? As many Biblical concepts I think where my not-too-long-ago understanding of the meaning of this blessing really came from contemplating it’s opposite. And like many opposites or paradoxes we can see it in the life of Jesus. Christ’s cry from Psalm 22 on the cross, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” teaches us the very opposite of the Aaronic benediction – that at the moment when Christ took upon Himself both our sin and the punishment due it from the hand of the Father, God’s face neither shone nor inclined toward Him. It was turned away from His son.

Christ forsaken that we might be forgiven. The face of God turned away from Christ that He might ever turn His face towards us. The Aaronic benediction is a blessing only in Christ and only because of Christ. May the Lord so bless you and shine His face upon you….

How often is our joy circumstantial. We rejoice and celebrate when a certain blessing comes, when a victory is won, or when difficulty is averted. Rejoicing in such things is good and proper, but we live in and seek such blessings almost like a drug without which we can’t be happy. There is a contentment regardless of circumstance and a rejoicing in sour circumstance that is far more foreign and set apart from this world than the circumstantial joy that it too shares. This distinct and holy (set apart) joy in definitive relationship with Jesus Christ that trumps every circumstance is the light that shines drawing people to our Lord. When the non-believer sees that for the Christian every sunrise is more beautiful, every dark valley less gloomy, and every smile brighter they will know that you are a child of the Living God.

Psa. 32:1 ¶ Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

For those familiar with our ministry you know that the first Wednesday of each month we fast and bring before the Lord both our urgent prayer requests but much more so our own hearts and lives. Here’s a short post of my email to our teams (FONTS and CBI):

If you ask me the thing that I am most proud of during my time at Harvard I know immediately how I would answer. During those two years I made a promise to God that I would never say no to Pearl. She was always reluctant to ask me to go out for a movie or shopping or even to the grocery store with Hannah (after she was born), but whenever she did I said yes without any reluctance. It was a message that I wanted to communicate to her that she was more important than anything else in my life – that I was never too busy to spend time with her. I thanked God on the day of graduation for helping me to keep that commitment and also for the first time I told Pearl about it.

There are times when I will set aside everything for a day – all my work, hobbies, etc. – to spend the day with my family. Like my time with Pearl at Harvard, it’s not that my studies or ministry or work are bad. It’s simply that there’s something that’s MORE important – my family. And this is exactly what fasting communicates. It’s not that food is NOT important or good or a blessing from God. It just that there’s something, SOMEONE, so much more important – someone WORTH setting aside everything else for – someone to whom we should want to never say no.

Enjoy your fasting… Or much more so enjoy the sweetness of fellowship with the Lord. More of Jesus in our lives….

Michael

May 31, 2006 – 10:38 am

Sitting here again at Hirabari Driver’s License Testing Center. I’m almost 100% certain that I passed. It was a beautiful struggle – the struggle of faith, of nerves, of mind, and of body. Before my test I marveled at the love of God. How much He must love us to put us through trials great and small! How much we are loved that He would so design our days that we pass through trial, pain, suffering, uncertainty, and darkness! How many times I have complained to Him through challenges! WHY?! WHY?! Even this morning I dreamt a terrible dream – not passing due to the misdirection of the tester – and pleading with him to pass me because my daughter has a brain cyst and we can’t get her blood test results without driving. The other day Pearl and I realized that it was already May and that Rota Virus season has passed. We remembered last year’s ordeals with the girls getting sick, then better for a few days, then getting hit with the Rota Virus, dealing with a month of diarrhea and throwing up, Eowyn’s near hypothermia from diarrhea and our cold house, Mikaela’s 7 seizures, and her hospitalization. A few weeks later the seminary opened. Then 2 weeks into the start of Christ Bible Seminary we hear the news from the doctor, “Your daughter has a brain tumor.”

How much God must love us that He would ordain a much more unimaginable suffering for His Son. His Son who was perfect in His divinity was subject to tremendous ordeals in the perfection of His humanity and in His fulfilling of the Law. He endured the trials we could not. He passed through those trials – none of which were properly His. How great is the love of God for us!

Even if I had done poorly and had failed again (or even if I still fail this time), for this and for every trial that we continue to endure, we have great confidence in God. As John Bunyan said (paraphrase) if you escape the hands of your enemies, laugh, and if you do not, still you may laugh, because either way, the scales are STILL in the hands of God.

Hallelujah!

(email from March 1st, 2006 regarding our fast which we observe the first Wednesday of each month for CBS)

Andy, team,

Thanks for the reminder – I forgot to send a reminder to you all!

We’re in the middle of our fast – a good day. I was reading in Oswald Sander’s book on Spiritual Leadership and was very convicted when reading his section on discipline. As you know discipline is not the only or main focus of fasting (let me know if you didn’t read my short write-up on fasting and would like to receive it), but fasting certainly is an important
component of discipline. Also one area of discipline tends to impact discipline in other areas. Conversely lack of discipline in one area (whether in food, exercise, devotions, sexual purity, etc.) tends to impact other areas.

Sanders writes about discipline – “without this essential quality, all other gifts remain as dwarfs: they cannot grow.” Later he says, “Many who drop out of ministry are sufficiently gifted, but have large areas of life floating free from the Holy Spirit’s control. Lazy and disorganized people never rise to true leadership.” (p.52).

He also shares examples of people who have with lots of help from a disciplined life made significant impact in this world.

George Whitefield (who by the way was also founder of U. Penn) rose at four in the morning and retired at ten each night.

Amy Carmichael wrote these words:

God, harden me against myself,
The coward with pathetic voice
Who craves for ease and rest and joy.
Myself, arch-traitor to myself,
My hollowest friend,
My deadliest foe,
My clog, whatever road I go.

Pray for yourselves and for me that we might know such discipline and godliness in our lives. “Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness….” (1 Tim 4:7)

Michael

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I sit here in front of window 21 at the Hirabari Driver’s License Testing Facility. I just took my test – which went wonderfully UNTIL I didn’t notice a truck coming from the left side before I turned. The tester slammed on the breaks – I was in disbelief. I had everything memorized perfectly, driving carefully. I just totally didn’t see it. It was my only mistake, but it was a big one. I apologized and asked for his favor. In human eyes I’m at his mercy. In reality though I’m only at the mercy of God. The sovereignty of God has become a close friend to me of recent days. Not merely a theological understanding that God is in control – of course He is. But instead a tremendous confidence and comfort that:

1) God is in control – of everything
2) God is sovereignly working out all that He has sovereignly ordained from eternity past both in this world and in my life – including my salvation and my sanctification
3) Suffering was the very design of glory – namely God ordained suffering, sin, evil (with impunity regarding His character for He is without sin and is perfect) – for the lives of non-Christians (to teach them of their need for Christ), for Christians (to make us more and more like Christ), and for Christ Himself (to display in unfathomable fashion the glory of God in salvation the cross of Jesus Christ – the centerpiece around which not only all time stands but all things were planned)
4) Suffering is not a sign of the rejection of God but instead the faithfulness of God who will not let us stay as we are
5) We miss opportunity after opportunity when we react to God-ordained suffering in our lives with complaint, despair, and a turning away from God
6) We miss the whole meaning of the Christian faith when we live our lives whole-heartedly seeking to avoid suffering and discomfort – seeking to be comfortable physically, financially, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually – in the middle when God is calling us to live on the edge
7) There is a greater comfort that comes to the pilgrim who will walk the paths where Christ leads – a comfort and peace that surpasses understanding – even in the midst of tremendous suffering – a path that leads to our eternal home – where there will be no more tears, crying, or pain.

For those suffering now, a reminder.

God understands your suffering – He made all things
God is compassionate towards your suffering – He does not rejoice in the suffering itself – it is only a tool that the sovereign God uses for His glory and your sanctification; God does not delight in evil – but even uses what man “meant for evil” for His good (Joseph).
Much of what we call suffering is simply what I call “common suffering” – namely there is suffering in this world that is no respecter of faith. Much suffering in this world is the same for both Christians and non-Christians – for all people. This would include physical illness, work problems (unless they are specifically because you are a Christian), family difficulties, financial problems, driver’s license tests (smile), etc. For many of us who live in the economically advanced nations of the world (America, Japan, Europe, etc.) there is so much common suffering that we never taste. We have low infant mortality, we have food on our tables, we hardly walk anywhere unless in the mall or for exercise, we live in a democracy, we have medical care, we are educated, and we live in safe neighborhoods.

But there is another suffering that is specifically because you are a Christian which I call “Christ’s suffering.” The Bible speaks of this again and again. 1 Peter – “rejoice in as much as you partake in the sufferings of Christ” (my paraphrase). Or again Philippians 1:29 “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him.” Many Christians have rarely or never experienced such suffering. Their lives are so hidden, so innocuous to this world that their lives don’t bother non-Christians or Satan at all. They are better left alone and unstirred. Sometimes God seeks to rouse these people through the grace of common suffering. Embrace these graces as the Lord grabs you by the ear to drag you into the hospice, the refuge of walking closely with Him. As the Lord brings such suffering instead of “WHY LORD?!” cry out, “More of Jesus, more of Jesus in my life!”

But others around the world are experiencing tremendous suffering – both common and Christ’s. Because they are living out the life of Jesus Christ people around them stumble. The government which hates Christ stumbles and lashes out in persecution around the world.

For those of you living in a wealthy democracy, you also have opportunity to experience the suffering of Christ and the joy which comes from it even if soldiers are not bursting through your church doors or you are sharing the Gospel with your neighbors in secret. For many faithful Christians in this part of the world, you have ample opportunity to honor Christ and in doing so experiencing His suffering. Your family members who live with an entirely different worldview stumble as your life makes no sense to them. Your boss who wants you to compromise and your co-workers who want you to play their way stumble because your life reminds them that something’s not right in theirs. You forsake a lifestyle which society tells you is your right and your salvation to live simply, sacrificially and generously. You leave your profession to bring the Gospel to the unreached around the world who would have no opportunity to hear it, believe it, and be saved unless someone went to them.

Peter teaches plainly that our JOY is correlated with our experiencing of the sufferings of Christ. Did you ever feel that you have so little joy in your life and wonder why? Perhaps you have blamed God for this. Perhaps you’ve tried to satisfy that desire for joy in other ways outside of God? Or even closely to God in singing praise songs, in experiencing a mission trip, etc. – all of which are good things but if we are seeking the blessing of God in JOY rather than primarily God Himself that blessing can become an idol.

As you read this you may be thinking, very falsely, that these issues are all settled and properly lined up in my life. It’s far from the case. Over the past 6 years in preparation for starting Christ Bible Seminary, we’ve experienced some fair amount of what I called suffering, even Christ’s suffering. We’ve experienced common suffering (sickness, separation from family, and relational challenges) which have become Christ’s sufferings because they were experienced because of and experienced more harshly because of serving as missionaries. We’ve seen the hand of Satan working with power and pain in our lives and around us. But I think over the past few days I’ve realized that I can’t call anything that we experience “suffering.” I think of my friend Alemu in Ethiopia with his 12 kids and the multiple times he was nearly killed. I think of my friend Ken in China who before leaving seminary asked us “not to pray for the opening of China but for the continued opening of the hearts of the Chinese.” I think of John Bunyan and his 12 years in jail, Jim Elliot and friends who were martyred, Elizabeth Elliot and friends who were widowed and still took the Gospel to the tribe that killed their husbands, and countless others who for the sake of the cross were tortured, maimed, raped, and blinded throughout the centuries. I think of Jesus Christ… how can it be that I should gain an interest in the savior’s blood? Died He for me who caused His pain, for me to Him to death pursued. I confess that I do not fully grasp the cross of Jesus Christ – the magnitude of His suffering and His love – but what I do grasp is enough to drive me to my knees before the Lord in worship and thanksgiving.

Not three weeks ago I was feeling tremendous despair over the “suffering” I was going through. I saw the hand of Satan; I saw the hand of God, but my heart was clinging to the darkness in hopelessness rather than clinging to Christ. My theology was in order, but my heart and faith were tired, angry, and hopeless without Christ. But O how thankful I am for this experience! Without these tears and heartache I would never have known such sweet surrender to the beauty of the sovereignty of God! There are times in your life when things are quiet – neither anything particularly difficult in your life nor particularly wonderful. Most of the time we’re thankful for these seasons. I’m learning to be thankful for the valleys, life on the edge, because it is in the valley that the Lord has both gone before us and also stands beside us with His rod and His staff and it is on the edge where Gods hand is to hold us. Would you pray for me that I would know the fullness of these things that I am only now beginning to taste.

35 minutes until the results of my driver’s test comes out. Let me stop now so I can talk with this man from Pakistan next to me. Perhaps the Lord will give me a chance to share about my Lord….

—

Didn’t pass. Really disappointing since this process takes hours and weeks of time I don’t have, but it is well with my soul. I prayed that if the Lord saw it best for me not to pass again – that it would be best for my faith and for the Kingdom then I am content. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

PS – if you want to get a sense of the frustration of the driver’s license process (or anything in Japan that is administrative) read all the articles on the drama of getting resumption of US beef sales in Japan. It captures things fairly well I think. By the way last week the 26th confimed case of mad cow was discovered in Japan. America has had 3 cases.

There is a temptation for any Christian to grow to love the blessings of God more than God Himself, the Blesser. This is especially true I think for the middle-aged Christian. Not middle-aged in physical age, but middle-aged in faith.

There is for the young Christian a sincere adoration of having Christ in your life. It’s a pure child-like faith that is simply astounded that such a God would love such a sinner.

For the veteran Christian there is often movement in one of two ways. For some who never uprooted areas of sin there comes a hardening and a fading away of the latter years of faith. These are often people who have great hurt in their lives though often the hurt comes from a hyper sensitivity of their hearts because of lack of Gospel exposure into painful areas. This prolonged darkness makes for intense sensitivity to any exposure and light – and a sometime surprisingly violent reaction in protecting this territory. You may recognize moments in your own life or someone else’s where they react so strongly from hurt to a seemingly innocuous comment or experience. “Where did that come from?” is often my thought. “Where did that come from?” is a good place to start though – not as a knee-jerk reaction of condemnation of others, but to really look inside your own heart or encourage another to look inside their heart and try to understand what sensitive spots exist in your heart and why. For other veteran Christians (my favorite people to hang out with) there is an incredible peace and contentment in their relationship with the Lord. My mentor Larry Russell told me recently about his mother-in-law who is getting up in years and her incredibly child-like faith. Despite Larry’s skepticism of some of the television preacher’s she sometimes watches, he can see a women who has one focus, one person in view for all of life. “Larry, you would have loved today’s sermon. It was about Jesus.” Though she may not have remembered much about the sermon, she knew one thing – that the preacher talked a lot about the ONE THING that matters – her Lord Jesus. I want a faith like that. Not a sophisticated one like my own but a simple one like those who loved Jesus while He walked on this earth – the prostitute, the tax collector, the disciple who lay his head upon Jesus.

For the middle-aged Christian there is like I have spoken of in my own life a growing sophistication. This is good – a greater understanding of theology, of the nature and dynamics of the church, of the consequences of actions, of past mistakes and future potential. We’ve tasted the fruit of relationship with Christ – and we grow quite fond of that fruit – both the fruit that we see and experience in our own life from the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5) and also the tremendous experiences of seeing God work in your own life, in the lives of others, in the church, and in this world. This is a factor for many people entering the ministry or serving as a lay leader. But the danger is when love for that fruit that begins to overshadow our first love for the Savior. Symptoms of such ailment include devotional times that are seldom, short, detached, obligatory, and always needing practical personal application. Intense struggle and bitterness in the midst of suffering is another clue that we have a greater love for the blessings than the Blesser, for often it is suffering alone that is the path towards a deeper understanding and fellowship with the Lord. Do you love the Lord more than you hate suffering? Are you willing to lay aside even the great god of comfort to have more of Jesus in your life? MANY Christians serve this god of COMFORT as they seek with all their heart and energy to have in their lives physical comfort, emotional comfort, relational comfort, and even spiritual comfort. All great blessings from the Lord – but none worthy of worship. If Jesus sought such comfort in His life, He never would have come to this earth! Don’t turn blessings into idols. COMFORT can be one of the great poisons in the church and Christian life because it can lead to a love of money and material things, a lusting for leisure and pleasure, an abandoning of pursuit of difficult but truly right and worthy endeavors, a refusal to speak truth, confront and forgive, and a debasing of relationship with the living God into a cosmic vending machine.

Christian have you lost your first love? Have you begun to love the blessings of the Lord more than the Blesser? Search my heart o God….

(With great thanks to Jonathan Edwards who resolved much and accomplished much for the glory of Christ almost 300 years ago. Here are my resolutions that I bring before the Lord with hope in His infinite power to change lives.)

February 16, 2005

(Edwards) – Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ’s sake.

Remember to read over these Resolutions once a week.

Resolved, that my love and passion for the work of God would never compete with but always increase a whole-hearted and primary love for God Himself.

Resolved, to never live or make decisions on the basis of fear or ease.

Resolved, to so live my life that I am emptied on a daily basis of all that the Lord gives with trust that He will the next day fill me with more abundance that any thoughts of self-conservation and self-preservation are revealed as foolish.

Resolved, to seek the improvement of my heart and character as much as the skills of mind and life and more than the comfort and effectiveness of my surroundings and its tools.

Resolved, that my highest comfort in the midst of suffering would always be the sufferings and glory of my Lord Jesus Christ.

Resolved, that my sufferings would always result not from my own folly but because of faithfulness to Christ.

Resolved, never henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God’s. (Edwards)

Resolved, to major on what is major in God’s eyes – and to not leave until later what I know ought to be done now.

Resolved, to live in full expectation that God will powerfully and richly bless my life and work because I am His child.

Resolved, to diligently pour myself into the lives of a few, starting with my family, with all that the Lord grants me in love, wisdom, truth, and power.

Resolved, to diligently pour into my own heart and mind the lives of heroes past like Richard Baxter, John Owens, and Jonathan Edwards.

Resolved, to live with passion for all things for which God is passionate.

Resolved, never to become dull and proper in my Christianity despite being in the seminary.

Resolved, never to become lofty and proud as the admiration of others towards me grows because of my age, experience, position, or because of their ignorance.

Resolved, to never fade away into spiritually innocuous and physically comfortable retirement.

Resolved, to harness all the power and grace of God that the Lord allows to fulfill my wedding vows and the command of God to love my wife as Christ loves the church.

Resolved, to honor the Lord in faithful fulfillment of my ordination vows.

Resolved, to not let the pressures and challenges of work and ministry cause me to be short-tempered or less than fully giving to my children.

Resolved, to live for the pleasing of God even to the displeasure of man.

Resolved, to build eternal heavenly treasures with my life and despise the treasures of this earth.

Resolved, to give the Devil no reason for rejoicing in my life but only pain and despair.

Resolved, to be in regular heart introspection to see anything displeasing to God, to repent of it truly, and to pray and act for change forthright.

Signed,

Michael Oh

Isn’t this what it’s all about? Why live if there is no eternal worth and value in your life? As Martin Luther understood profoundly from the Scriptures, “The just shall live by faith”. Our righteousness, our value, our meaning are wholely in Christ. Our standing, our truth, our perseverance, our confidence, our mercy – all in Christ. This life that we live as Christians is not an easy one – but a good and right one if lived for Christ eternal. That’s the kind of life I aspire to live.