leadership and self deceptionThis is a book summary I have written for “Leadership & Self Deception”, by Arbinger Institute. The book uses the fiction format to discuss two concepts: “In the box” and “out of the box”.

“In the box” refers to when people see others as the source of problem. They see themselves as the center of the world and view others as objects, whose needs are secondary and less legitimate than their own. This mentality demotivates people around them. When people act contrary to what they feel they should do (self betrayal), they go in the box and blame others. By blaming others, you invite others to do the same, and get others to get into their boxes (pointing fingers and finding faults).

“Out of the box” refers to when people see others as people. They can see that others too have cares, fears, hopes and needs. It motivates people around them. When people are out of the box

People always can tell when they are coped with, manipulated or outsmarted. People skills are never primary and people can detect the real emotions within. Trying to smooth insincerely creates resentment.

Being out of the box doesn’t mean one has to delay hard urgent messages. It is possible to deliver the hard messages, and still be out of the box. Success and influence depend on being out of the box. There is no need to accuse others of being in the box, just make sure you stay out of your own. Instead of focusing what others are doing wrong, focus on what you can do right to help.


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