Matt and I saw the funniest thing on the news last night. Actually – there were two things and we were both laughing hysterically. Poor Dusty didn’t know what was going on.
The first news item was a report about the North End of Boston and how local merchants are upset about a potential Dunkin Donuts opening up on Hanover Street. One little cafe owner has even created a petition to prevent this business from moving in. On the other side of the spectrum, there were three North End residents who, in retaliation, have created their own petition to actually have a Dunkin Donuts move in (side note: I have no clue who these petitions are for…they were both done on torn out notepad paper with no text on top indicating what it was for…wouldn’t that make it invalid?)
Personally, I side with the local merchant. If you’ve got the real deal in the North End (authentic Italian coffee houses and pastry shops) why do you need a chain, too? Plus – there are two Dunkin Donuts already at the entrance to the North End by both of it’s subway stations (Haymarket and North Station).
But that’s beside the point. What was so funny about this report was the fact that the news channel only interviewed female senior citizens…with heavy (HEAVY) Boston accents. They were pitted against each other with their smoky voices, roller-curled hair and not a single “r” to be heard. The humor is definitely lost in translation since you can’t hear their actual voices. But it was killing us. Killing us, I tell you!
Then, later in the same broadcast it got even better. There was a separate report about an elderly housing complex in Canton, Massachusetts (a suburb of Boston). Apparently, Bingo used to take place at this complex until things got rowdy. It got so bad that the Canton Housing Aurhority has banned Bingo. The news reporters interviewed senior citizens on both sides of the debate and the mud-slinging was fierce. These folks were fiesty with a capital-F. The best part was the tone of the report. At one point, the reporter said “it’s gotten so bad in Canton that people are raising cane”…then they showed an elderly man’s walking cane! It was classic!
The voice-over kept talking about the hostility, anger and volatility of the crowd while the camera was showing this lazy room of people with walkers, wheelchairs, oxygen machines and so much polyester that a single match would engulf the entire Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
I think this premise is worthy of mockumentary a la Best in Show or Waiting for Guffman. Simply put, it was a riot. Hell than no fury as an elderly person without a Bingo Card.
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