An Apple Offering

It’s official. I’m the worst student ever. In my old age I’m realizing that I’m just not able to focus anymore. I’m so easily distracted that I’m unable to accomplish studying. I know when Matt reads this he’ll bitch and moan that I’ll do well on the exam anyway and that I’m over-reacting, blah, blah, blah.


But my goal for this whole weekend was to study. What have I done? Gone out briefly with a friend, searched for an appropriate end table, surfed the net, and worked on two pages of notes. That’s it…that’s all the studying I’ve done and it’s already after 5PM. So much for devoting the whole weekend to studying.


I’m not sure what (or who) I can blame. Actually, I probably shouldn’t be blaming anybody because it is my own damn fault – but I’m an American and the one thing we do best is blame other people for our own problems.


So, my lame excuse for my poor study habits is this: Over 3 years ago I tried using Paxil to address social anxieties. I stopped using it just months later because of the side effects (weight gain, lack of short term memory and yes, an inability to focus). I’ve been off Paxil for nearly 3 years now but the inability to focus has remained. Is it possible for residual side-effects to linger a life time? ugh – I hope not. I mean, I only used it for a few months!


So, I’ve been complimented on my smile a lot lately (don’t ask me why – I’ve always hated my smile) so I’m thinking I’ll go into my final classes on Tuesday and Wednesday with a huge smile on my face. I may even put a shiny red apple on the corner of the desk for the professor. At this point, I’ll do anything.

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