f/k/a archives . . . real opinions & real haiku

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Now do you get it? (Big Hint: note the inserted “winkie” emoticons in red.) Yes, Barry Blitt’s July 21, 2008 New Yorker Obama cover portrays and satirizes “The Politics of Hate” and Fear.

As Monica Guzman at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer’s Big Blog notes (“The trouble with satire,” July 14, 2008): “The New Yorker is no right-wing rag; the cover is meant to satirize the notion that Obama is all those things he has had to repeat he isn’t – Muslim, pro-terrorist, unpatriotic – capped off with the fist tap heard around the world. . . . [Censoring it to avoid its misinterpretation or mis-use] risks a dumbing down of our more complex messages. And maybe that would be ceding too much ground to fools.”

Prof. Yabut and the entire f/k/a Gang have for years been bemoaning our emoticonally-addicted, insight-challenged society’s inability to discern satire when they see it or hear it. We’ve also decried the related, knee-jerk, low-EQ application of Political Correctness Bans (PCBs) to anything that might offend anybody (particularly on the Left). On the other hand, the Editor has steadfastly maintained a No Emoticon Zone for this weblog and our personal correspondence. As a result, f/k/a had to post a set of Implied Disclaimers (which include PMS — Pardon My Satire), and often worried about misinterpreted email.

As noted in my Comment at The Legal Underground weblog in December 2004:

I am always amazed at otherwise intelligent people who believe that the writer of satire condones the conduct described. I guess we live in a world where authors [and cartoonists] need to use lots of emoticons to keep the readers in tune.

The whole media universe is covering the July 21, 2008 New Yorker cover, so we need not add much more to the discussion. See, e.g., “Obama and the New Yorker” (MSNBC.com, July 15, 2008); “Satirical or Offensive, you decide” (NPR, July 15, 2008); AP/WaPo Video clip; also, “Want Obama in a Punch Line? First Find a Joke” (New York Times, Bill Carer, July 15, 2008). If you have not yet heard the npr interview with David Remnick, “New Yorker editor defends Obama Cover” (All Things Considered, July 14, 2008), it’s highly recommended, as is “It’s Funny How Humor Is So Ticklish,” (Washington Post, by Phillip Kennicott, July 15, 2008), and Ann Althouse’s “why can’t we joke about Obama?” (July 15, 2008). [You can order the New Yorker cover here.]

FYI: The Huffington Post tells us:

The magazine explains at the start of its news release previewing the issue: “On the cover of the July 21, 2008, issue of the The New Yorker, in ‘The Politics of Fear,’ artist Barry Blitt satirizes the use of scare tactics and misinformation in the Presidential election to derail Barack Obama’s campaign.”

Just to prove how important the issue is, I’ve broken my no-emoticon pledge, using what we call the “winkie” [;-)] to help folks understand that the cover is satire. We don’t expect to change lots of minds, but we do hope to change one — that of Barack Obama.

Dear Barack,

I’m a supporter of yours, so I hope you’ll take this constructive advice in the spirit it is given.

Please call off your PC Police. Maybe your campaign can get away with being hyper-sensitive and vigilant about what you yourselves say — making sure you don’t offend others with your words or posture. But, please, don’t use the same standard for words and images aimed at or depicting you — especially when they are in fact good satire that make important points in support of your candidacy.

The New Yorker cover is not “tasteless and offensive.” The Guardian says you simply shrugged your shoulders when asked about the image, but then your “spokespersons” got on their PC high-horses and condemned it. You need to muzzle your staff. Whiners aren’t winners. For a real Mensch with a high EQ, taking a punch should include taking a Punch-like cartoon.

Now, get out there and win this election!

s/ David Giacalone and the f/k/a Gang

afterwords (2 PM, July 15): See “Obama Releases List of Approved Jokes About Himself” (The Borowitz Report, July 15, 2008). Unfortunately, most of the audience of my local public radio station, WAMC in Albany, NY, appears to have little sense of humor or appreciation for Free Speech and the uses of satire.

update (July 16, 2008): In “Barack Obama tries to repair a PR blunder, but 2 days too late,” Andrew Malcolm makes some telling comments, at the LA Times political weblog, Top of the Ticket. After noting, “We’re now in Day Three of discussing the magazine cover that Obama didn’t want many to see,” Malcolm quotes Obama on the Larry King Show last night:

“Well, I know it was the New Yorker’s attempt at satire. I don’t think they were entirely successful with it. But you know what? It’s a cartoon, Larry, and that’s why we’ve got the 1st Amendment.

“And I think the American people are probably spending a little more time worrying about what’s happening with the banking system and the housing market, and what’s happening in Iraq and Afghanistan, than a cartoon. So I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about it.”

Malcolm concludes:

“Smart stuff. Too late. Imagine what else we might all be talking about this morning if that had been the campaign’s opening response Sunday.”

On a similar note, see Maureen Dowd ‘s column in today’s New York Times, “May we mock, Barack,” (July 16, 2008). Dowd mentions the suggestion from James Rainey in The Los Angeles Times of “an irony deficiency” in Obama and his fans. She concludes” “Bring it on, Ozone Democrats! Because if Obama gets elected and there is nothing funny about him, it won’t be the economy that’s depressed. It will be the rest of us.”

update (June 19, 2008): In this week’s edition of our local [NY Capital Region] “alternative” newspaper, Metroland, Jo Page has an insightful Reckonings column about the Obama Cover, titled “Looney Tunes” (Vol. 31, No. 29, July 17, 2008). Jo wonders “What is it about cartoons,” and asks:

“Are Americans really so dense that we won’t ‘get’ the cover? Is our collective sense of judgment really so occluded by an insistence on literalism that we won’t recognize that not only is this not ‘tasteless and offensive’ to the Obama campaign, it in fact makes the opposite point: What is tasteless and offensive are the tactics used to create doubt about Obama’s American allegiance.”

Under the question “Is subtlety lost on us?”, she concludes:

“I’m not yet ready to believe that just because content and context are parted so frequently—news bites excised from the whole of the story time and time again—that Americans have little or no capacity to comprehend satire or understand subtlety.

“As of this writing, Barack Obama himself has made no comment. Let’s hope he keeps it that way and keeps faith in the America that gets and loves the heritage of its satirists . . .”

mother’s email
X’s after
the :-)

……………………… Hilary Tann – Upstate Dim Sum

empty bottle
a few words
I would like to take back

……………………… by John Stevenson – Quiet Enough (2004)

twilight
the words of his letter
darker and darker

……………………….. by Roberta Beary – Woodnotes #29; A New Resonance 2

At the Giacalone homestead, I always have to tip-toe around the topic of NIMBYism, as my lawyer brother specializes in protecting homeowners from noisome development in their neighborhoods. (See his piece “zoning challenges: overcoming obstacles” (f/k/a, June 15, 2007). So, I’m going to blame the New York Times article “Build a Wiffle Ball Field and Lawyers Will Come” (by Peter Applebome, July 10, 2008), and a dizzyingly refreshing July Saturday, for today’s misadventures.

Wiffle Ball —
a windblown home run
over the neigbor’s Rambler

— by Michael Ketchek – Baseball Haiku (edited, with translations, by Cor van den Heuvel and Nanae Tamura, W.W. Norton Press, April 2007)

You see, a group of “remarkable” teens turned an overgrown lot in and owned by Greenwich, Connecticut, into a Wiffle Ball Stadium. As their local newspaper Greenwich Time noted in an editorial (“We ought to give the kids a break,” 07/09/2008 ):

“About 10 to 15 teens spent three weeks clearing the lot of dense thickets and erecting plywood fences in the outfield, including a replica of Fenway’s Green Monster. They painted the fences green, put down bases and hung a large American flag from a tree in foul territory down the left field line.”

A great story, but, this being the 3rd Millennium in America, the Greenwich Times notes, “it’s not over until the police, newspapers and lawyers get involved. And we wonder why kids lock themselves in the basement and play video games.” Like Ray Kinsella in Kevin Costner’s movie “Field of Dreams” (1989), they built the field out of love of the game and a sense of fun. However, as the NYT piece explains:

“[A]las, they had no idea just who would come — youthful Wiffle ball players, yes, but also angry neighbors and their lawyer, the police, the town nuisance officer and tree warden and other officials in all shapes and sizes. It turns out that one kid’s field of dreams is an adult’s dangerous nuisance, liability nightmare, inappropriate usurpation of green space, unpermitted special use or drag on property values, and their Wiffle-ball Fenway has become the talk of Greenwich and a suburban Rorschach test about youthful summers past and present.”

My twin brother Arthur is right that “Nearby residents are the ones most directly affected by new development, their property values lowered, privacy invaded, and quality of life diminished by noise and traffic. They have the most to lose, and, therefore, the greatest right to speak out.” He’s also correct to complain that “developers, public officials and members of the media” often engage “in a concerted effort to belittle and silence” disgruntled neighbors, and that:

“The residents are castigated as obstructionists, labeled NIMBYs (Not In My Back Yard), and even called “Un-American”. Developers are portrayed as saints, residents as villains.”

Of course, there is nothing “un-American” about bringing lawsuits against disruptive neighborhood change. As Walter Olson at Overlawyered.com surely will agree, there is nothing more American these days than bringing such suits. Indeed, as Walter said, “This particular dispute, over noisy kids’ recreation in an otherwise quiet neighborhood of famously expensive Greenwich, Connecticut, might have led to legal ramifications in almost any day and age.”

[larger] You may recall that the f/k/a Gang didn’t have a lot of sympathy in this posting (scroll down) for yuppies who are surprised that farms can make smelly and noisy neighbors. Likewise, although the neighbors were there first, after musing over the Greenwich Wiffle Ball rhubarb, I’m siding with the kids and not the unhappy grownups and their lawyers. The GT editorial got it right (as did the many commentors to the piece), “It would be a terrible shame if the end result of this dispute is the field being taken down. What the young people achieved there is remarkable.” Furthermore,

“Selectman Lin Lavery, who is acting as first selectman and police commissioner for the vacationing Peter Tesei, has stepped in as a voice of reason, shelving the town’s initial plan to shut the field down today.

‘I’m going to suggest that we hold off until we talk to everyone and try to reach a compromise,’ she said. Credit her with a stand-up triple.”

“The teens meanwhile have posted rules at the field prohibiting alcohol and swearing. And they say they would be willing to limit the field’s use to certain hours during the daytime.

“Wow! Not only are these kids resourceful and enterprising. They’re reasonable too. How about we adults follow their lead and let them get back to their games?”

Even our cranky Prof. Yabut applauds those who are seeking a compromise that would let the field stay, and allow us to dream of creaky-kneed wiffle-ball home runs. We hope the kids who built the team will whiff every one of their opponents and show them what it means to be good sports.

update (7 P.M.): According to Newsday [“Greenwich seeks solution to Wiffle ball squabble,” July 12, 2008], the “Greenwich First Selectman [think mayor] Peter Tesei is trying to strike a balance and resolve the dispute. . . Tesei says he is leaning toward letting the teens continue using the lot and wants to hear more from both sides.”

law firm picnic
the ump consults
his Blackberry

…… by david giacalone – Baseball Haiku (2007)

As the New York Times noted, wiffle ball was invented just down the road from Greenwich. The firm The Wiffle Ball Inc. is located in Shelton, CT, and you can learn the origin of the hollow plastic ball with eight oblong perforations at their website, and learn the official rules. It being an American sport and company, you won’t be surprised to discover that a major part of text on the Wiffle Ball website is dedicated to the topic of Trademark and Copyright restrictions. [Intellectual Property lawyers out there might opine for our readers as to whether the word “wiffle” has become a generic term.] As the Mullany Brothers — grandsons of the founder — remind us all:

“Please be advised that “WIFFLE” and all images contained herein are either copyrights or trademarks of The Wiffle Ball, Inc. Their use, for any purpose, is forbidden unless you’ve obtained express written consent from The Wiffle Ball, Inc. to do so. Additionally, all content, particularly The Rules of the Game, is copyrighted material.”

“. . . You can throw curves with a WIFFLE ball, but please, play straight when referring to our valuable brand.”

With that nod to the truest American past-time, we close the punditry portion of this posting.

bases loaded
the rookie pitcher
blows a bubble

…………. by ed markowski – Baseball Haiku (2007); Haiku Sun (Issue X, Jan. 2004)

We didn’t expect to feature more baseball-related poetry again (most recently covered here), but the Young Wiffle Ball Heroes in Greenwich have inspired us to find a few whimsical haiku and senryu for our joint enjoyment:

the toddler
runs to third base
first

all day rain
on the playing field
a stray dog

……. by Tom Painting – Baseball Haiku (2007); from the chapbook piano practice

empty baseball field
a dandelion seed floats through
the strike zone

……. by George Swede – Almost Unseen (Brooks Books, 2000); Baseball Haiku (2007)

my so-called friends
send in my sister
to pinch-hit for me

….. by John Stevenson

late innings
the shortstop backpedals
into fireflies

April rain
my grandson practices
his infield chatter

sides chosen
the boy not chosen
lends me his glove

…….. by Ed Markowski – Baseball Haiku (2007)
“sides chosen” – bottle rockets (7:1, 2005)

rumble of thunder
the boy still looking for the ball
in the grass

…………………………………. by Lee Gurga – Baseball Haiku (2007); Too Busy for Spring, 1999 HNA Anthology

in the shoe box
attic light from one window
and the creased Willie Mays

……………… by Tom Clausen – Baseball Haiku (2007); Bases Loaded, a renga chapbook

baseball
rolls into the mud –
painted lady flutters up

…………………………. by randy brooks – Baseball Haiku (2007)

calm evening
the ballgame play-by-play
across the river

… by jim kacian – Baseball Haiku (2007); Past Time (Red Moon Press, 1999)

afterwords (July 14, 2008): Thanks to Jeffrey Mehalic at the West Virginia Business Litigation weblog, for pointing to this posting in Blawg Review #168.

The brand new July/August 2008 issue of The Complete Lawyer (Vol. 4, No. 4) focuses on Exit Strategies for lawyers — whether it’s retiring from the workplace or finding careers outside the legal profession. (via Diane Levin at The Mediation Channel) The f/k/a Gang has been nagging lawyers for years to prepare for a graceful exit from the profession — especially in our mega-post “the Graying Bar: let’s not forget the ethics” (March 20, 2007), where we stressed the ethical obligation to leave before the infirmities of age harm your clients, and the related need to make financial choices that will permit a timely retirement.

TCL‘s Editor/Publisher Don Hutcheson has again loaded his e-magazine with a bounty of useful articles and columns on the Focus topic, by a diverse group of experts, plus more pieces from regular contributors such as Carolyn Elefant (re solos and small firms), and the ADR “human factor” all-stars, Stephanie West Allen, Victoria Pynchon, Gini Nelson, and Diane Levin, who tell us in this issue “what we have learned from mediation and negotiation that can have broad application in your life and work.

Besides additional targeted material that can be found in 24 local editions of TCL (which can be accessed from the magazine’s home page), you’ll find the following articles (and more) on Lawyer Exit Strategies in the National Edition of The Complete Lawyer:

• “Retirement Readiness: Seven Proven Transition Scenarios” Overcome partnership issues, contractual barriers and psychological hurdles when you design your future. By Shawn McNalis
• “Through the Looking Glass: Why Many of Your Retirement Assumptions Are Wrong” Making some hard calculations today will secure a financially sound retirement—and that’s not a fantasy. By Robert Hockett
• “Get Ready To Get Ready For Retirement” Facing the financial challenges of retirement can pay off in emotional and physical security for the rest of our lives. By Richard M. Weber

• “Don’t Retire! Renew And Reshape Your Life Instead” You have the capacity to write your life’s “next chapter.” By James Frasier
• “Don’t ‘Die At Your Desk’” Become proactive about succession planning. By Stephen P. Gallagher
• “Don’t Neglect Your Reputation When Leaving A Firm” Maintain relationships and protect your rights. By Carolyn Elefant
• “Self-Assess Before Deciding To Leave The Law” Five questions and exercises will reveal key information about you: why your current job is not a good fit, and what you need to have in your next career to be happy. By Anne Whitaker
• “The New Exit Strategy for Today’s Lawyers: Manage Your Own Career” Determine your currency and actively manage your career to achieve success in an increasingly uncertain legal environment. By Arnie Herz

In addition, Dave Polstra’s Financial Matters column contributes “Small Financial Decisions Cast Big Shadows,” which explains how to avoid the debt trap and enjoy financial freedom in your retirement. And The Graying of Lawyers column by Mickey Batsell explains why “Experienced Attorneys Enjoy Advantages In the Job Market.” Plus, Monica Parker, J.D. of Leaving the Law.com, gives you Seven Reasons to Stop Being a Lawyer in her piece, “Before You Choose Your Exit Strategy, Choose to Exit.”

For related articles, take a look at TCL‘s issue of a year ago (Vol. 3, No. 4), which focused on The Graying of the Bar.

retirement options
first ice
rims the campus pond

windowless office
a fly buzzes against
my glasses

In one year
work life ends—drizzle
with the rainbow

…………………………….. by George Swede
“retirement options” & “in one year” – The Heron’s Nest
“windowless office” – Almost Unseen (Brooks Books, 2000)

Frank Pasquale at Concurring Opinions and Scott Greenfield at Simple Justice have focused this weekend on a very important topic: What can/should be done about the safety issues created by Driving While Elderly? Can the marketplace effectively and equitably work it out through insurance rates and tort cases? Should states impose frequent testing on older drivers? Is AARP a force for improved safety or stubborn resistance?

the old man stops
at a green light —
driving toward sunset

…………… by dagosan

In a Comment today at Simple Justice, I said:

Since we’re pointing at AARP, I thought I’d try to find information on their relevant policies. I found an article in the AARP Bulletin, called “When is it time to quit driving?” and a dissenting reaction to a Fox news item that knocked AARP. The AARP Bulletin article has some interesting info, as does this AARP page on driving safety.

It appears that “In fact, while the AARP does oppose legislation that would require additional driving tests based solely on age, AARP supports legislation requiring driver assessments for all.” Of course, testing everyone for things such as reaction time and cognitive impairment is not likely to happen soon (in a society that permits Driving While Phoning).

See “Who Will Insure Mr. Magoo?” (National Underwriter/P&C.com, Nov. 19, 2007), where Sam Friedman notes:

“If you thought New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer took heat for wanting to give driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants, just wait until he asks for everyone over 65 to prove themselves behind the wheel all over again to DMV officials!

“However, auto insurers faced with a wave of elderly drivers would be well within their rights to demand a driving test of their senior clientele. This could be done the hard way, with a sharp stick (the threat of coverage cancellation for those who refuse to be tested) or with a tasty carrot (the promise of a discount for those who pass).

“Either way, the insurer would be assured that their elderly drivers still have their wits about them and are capable of handling themselves on the road.

“On the other hand, I can already hear the wails of complaint from AARP and other senior advocacy groups—perhaps even age discrimination suits!”

Maybe my favorite RiskProf, Martin F. Grace, will grace us with more of his thoughts on this complicated topic. He touched on age as a risk factor last September. Also, noting in November 2006 that some Canadians were wary of using age in their law-making, Martin opined:

It is “unfair” that people age and lose the ability to react to certain driving situations and it is “unfair” that young drivers are inexperienced. However, if we make it easier (lower prices for all!) for younger and older drivers, we increase social losses. I suppose as a society we could say that discrimination based on age is so unjust that we must bear the costs of increased road and highway accidents. As we know, this is never how the question is framed. The frame is about justice and trying to properly reflect the diversity of life choices. It seems like though the real life choices are increased death, morbidity, and auto body work.

Families are dealing with these issues even when regulators and elected officials avoid it. The Hartford has put together an impressive brochure “We Need to Talk: Family Conversations with Older Drivers” (you can download it from their site and order a paper copy). According to the American Society on Aging:

We Need to Talk, offers families a multi-step approach to crafting candid, effectual discussions about driving safety, from positive conversation starters to advice on which family member should broach the topic. The guide also features an important warning signs checklist; strategies for alternative transportation; testing opportunities; a transportation cost worksheet to determine the annual expense to own and operate a car; and recommendations on what to do if a parent has dementia or a high-risk driver refuses to stop driving.

AARP has turned We Need to Talk into a seminar that is now available in many states.

This complex and emotional subject requires serious discussion, thought and action. I’m hoping that the organized elderly — with their power in all election districts at the polls — will not prevent our leaders from proposing and experimenting with potential solutions. [Of course, the failure to deal in a meaningful way with Driving While Phoning — covered in detail in a recent f/k/a posting — suggests that politicians have little backbone for fighting the public and vested interests on the topic of impaired cognition and skills behind the wheel.] Frankly, although I hope each elderly driver will assess his or her own driving situation and act responsibly, I have seen little evidence that they will do so without major outside pressure.

afterwords (July 17, 2008): Just saw this helpful webpage: “Checklist: When to Put the Brakes on Elderly Drivers” from the Aging Parents and Elder Care website.

rainy night drive –
squinting at glare
through dad’s eyes

………. by dagosan

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

July 6 is International Kissing Day

. . . . . . . . . . . . July 7 is Chocolate Day

Indian summer
chocolate kisses
on my cheek

………. by Yu Chang – from Upstate Dim Sum (Vol. 2008/1)

We highlighted International Kissing Day in a 2006 post and a 2007 piece, but this time we want to do more to celebrate both that holiday and Chocolate Day, which the National Confectioners Association has set on July 7.

First, for those who — despite it being the three-day Independence Day weekend — insist on serious content from f/k/a. Consider re Kissing:

• The Supreme Court’s decision in Davis v. Monroe County Board of Education, 526 U.S. 629 (1999) allowed an individual student to sue under Title IX when her school administrators failed to protect a 5th grader from sexual harassment by another student. That led to much discussion among teachers of whether to encourage tattling, and among administrators (and lawyers) about what constitutes harassment. As a Washington Times article put it (“Stealing a kiss has become grand larceny“):

” . . . [I]f the teacher counsels the tattletale she’s overreacting and encourages her to handle the boy herself, well, that might be an expensive mistake, particularly if the child claims that she’s failing in her studies as a result of the boy’s attentions. In fact, the teacher who tells the girl not to make a federal case of it will likely find herself in the middle of a federal case.

Reporter Suzanne Fields further notes: “But narrow definitions of what’s offensive in harassment cases have a way of expanding into broad definitions in sexual politics, whether the behavior of tots, teens or tarts. Let’s not forget the 6-year-old boy in North Carolina who was temporarily suspended from school for kissing a little girl on the cheek. He missed the class ice-cream party, too.” And,

“Reacting to fears of harassment suits, certain college codes of conduct have become ludicrously prescriptive, requiring clear and explicit questions from boy to girl (or vice versa) before either one can initiate an amorous gesture. Stealing a kiss has become grand larceny. Many elementary schools are now writing similar rules.”

It’s been almost a decade since the Davis case. Did school boards over-react? Is it safe for a smitten 5th Grader to kiss a tattletale?

Personal Confession: Back in the first grade (circa 1957), at Holy Family School, in Rochester, New York, I snuck a kiss in the cloak room from cute little Elizabeth Muellner, a curly-headed blonde. Sister Mary Elvira, SSND, did not think it was funny, and I got reprimanded and sent to the principal. Lucky for me, Elizabeth did not turn my felonious crush into a federal case.

• For a serious sociological study on kiss stealing, see “Perceptions of sexual violations: denying a kiss, stealing a kiss” (Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, April, 1994 by Michael R. Semonsky, Lawrence B. Rosenfeld). According to its abstract: It “Compares the perceptions of 387 male and female undergraduates of a scene involving a minor sexual violation in which 1 participant denies a kiss and the other kisses regardless. Differences in perceptions of offender and denier behavior are discussed with reference to social support for determining sexual behavior.” See if you can guess which gender took the denial of a kiss and the resulting stealing of one more seriously. There are some surprises.

In a less academic mood? YM.com‘s Kissing Trivia Test will help you discover whether you are a novice or expert when it comes to smooching (answers here). We learned, for example that:

1) Scientific studies have proven that kissing can help reduce skin rashes and blemishes.
4) In addition to two tablets of Tylenol, kissing can help alleviate headaches.
5) The average person spends 336 hours kissing in a lifetime. [ Ed. Note: Are you suffering from a Kissing Deficit? This might explain Prof. Yabut’s mood today. It’s never too late to catch up.]
6) Kissing can help prevent plaque build-up.

Kissing Day –
they pause to remove
their dentures

……………. by dagosan [re-written, July 6, 2009]

Denplan, a private UK dental health insurance plan, is credited with creating National Kissing Day, in 1995, making this the 13th annual celebration. Denplan Managing Director, Stephen Gates, said [please, Yanks, no Brit-teeth jokes allowed]:

“We created National Kissing Day as a fun way to raise the profile of dentistry among consumers so that it had a connection with everyday life and not just six-month check-ups.

“While oral healthcare is a serious matter impacting general health, being sombre about it doesn’t necessarily always get the message across – people tend to think ‘that doesn’t apply to me’. National Kissing Day is a great opportunity for people to kiss their loved ones and remember the importance of oral healthcare; we hope everyone will be doing that today.”

To celebrate this year, Denplan had a survey taken in the UK to determine the public’s favorite movie kissing scenes. According to their July 2, 2008, Press Release, “Patrick Swayze voted top big-screen kisser of all time.” Indeed:

• Britain’s all-time favourite screen kiss has been revealed as Patrick Swayze kissing Demi Moore in the 1990 blockbuster film, Ghost.

• Second most popular rated kiss was the Disney classic Lady and the Tramp, where pampered pedigree pooch Lady shares a surprise spaghetti kiss with loveable rogue Tramp (36%).

• In third place was Swayze again, this time with Jennifer Grey in the 1987 blockbuster Dirty Dancing as they kiss in public for the first time (35%).

Swayze was the favorite among females surveyed, with his films ranking 1st and 2nd. Surprising (to me), males also rated Ghost first, but put the cutesy scene from Lady and the Tramp second and Titanic third. Elders liked the Spaghetti Kiss best. (Also see ‘Ghost’ tops best screen kiss poll, Digital Spy, July 5 2008)

Click to see the famous Spaghetti Kiss scene from Lady and the Tramp in a YouTube clip (at about 3:50); and catch a human re-enactment here.

By the Way: According to YM.com, “You’re in the Army Now features the longest on-screen kiss.”

a breeze
from its wagging tail —
the dog gets all her kisses

………. by dagosan

Speaking of animals and kissing, PDSA (UK’s leading veteinary charity), is warning that “Puckering-up to pets poses risk, warns PDSA – National Kissing Day, 6 July.” To wit (and I hope certain lady friends of mine read this):

“[PDSA] is urging pet owners to leave their animals ‘out of the action’ on National Kissing Day next week, due to the risks of spreading diseases between pets and people.”

” . . . . PDSA Senior Veterinary Surgeon, Sean Wensley says: ‘While kissing a pet or being licked on the face might seem like harmless fun, there are in fact lots of bugs and germs that we can catch from getting too close to our pets. Dogs and cats use their tongues to groom themselves, so contact with a pet’s mouth is not a good idea. Putting our face close to theirs can also be quite threatening to some of our pets, and can contribute to them becoming aggressive’.”

Click on page 75 of George Carlin’s Napalm and Silly Putty for his (R-rated) explanation of why dogs might not “have the cleanest mouths of any animal.” It’s an argument Your Editor has long used to discourge human-canine osculation.

dog day heat
the subtle breeze
of a blown kiss

………… by ed markowski – Full Moon Haiku (July ‘05)

Here are a few more quickie pointers for International Kissing Day:

• With the slogan “Kiss a queer for Christ’s sake,” LGBTs and their supporters “will gather in Brisbane and Sydney on July 19 for simultaneous kiss-in protests against ‘homophobic religions’ and Pope Benedict XVI’s visit to Australia.” See “Pope’s queer kiss-off” (June 26, 2008).
• Using a press release captioned “Kiss with confidence” (19 June 2008), the UK firm Keeping Face is exploiting National Kissing Day by pointing out solutions they offer for various conditions that might make one’s mouth or lips unattractive. Thus, you can go to them for lip-fillers, wrinkle and lip-hair removal, and dental work. I say: Pucker up and give Keeping Face a nice Bronx Cheer.
• In case you believe in the special magic of location, location, location, USA Today offered a Valentine’s list of “10 great places to steal a kiss — and give one back” (2/14/2006) that should do just fine for Kissing Day, too.

We’re all worn out, and the kissing hasn’t even begun. One final point: Keep in mind, if you’re planning to over-do Chocolate Day, that you can burn off up to 600 calories an hour kissing.

You probably need very little advice on celebrating Chocolate Day. But, if you want some inspiration, you’ll find many ideas at the Candy Addict weblog, in “An excuse to eat chocolate: Chocolate Day, July 7” (July 6, 2007).

Although CandyAddict had no problem believing that “Chocolate is Better than Kissing!” (May 7, 2007), you may be as surprised as Prof. Yabut was yesterday, reading “Kiss and tell: chocolate wins” (The Age.com.au, April 17, 2007):

“Researchers who monitored the heads and hearts of romantically involved couples found they responded more to chocolate melting in their mouths than kissing.”

“. . . The study showed that even the most passionate kisses failed to equal the buzz of chocolate.

” ‘These results really surprised and intrigued us,’ said psychologist David Lewis, who led the study. ‘ While we fully expected chocolate, especially dark chocolate, to increase heart rates due to the fact it contains some highly stimulating substances, both the length of this increase together with the powerful effects it had on the mind were something none of us had anticipated’.”

CandyAddict‘s reaction: “they actually had to do tests to prove this? Seems like common knowledge to me!”

Reprise from our “bocce advocacy” piece (Sept. 16, 2005):

My Grandpa Bart and the other old Italian guys often said “kissa the palino,” when a bocce ball rolled up slowly and nestled right up against the palino (the small ball that is the target; sometimes called a jack). I did not know as a kid, that they were making a translingual pun — the Italian word for kiss is bacio, and the plural is baci. Click here for the very romantic story of the first chocolate kisses — Baci from Perugina/Nestle.

I’ll be celebrating Independence Day, Kissing Day and Chocolate Day this afternoon with my haiku-‘n’-bocce buddies Yu and Anita Chang and John Stevenson. You can find quite a few kiss-related haiku and senryu below, and at our prior posts from 2007 and 2006.

slow train
i lose count of the cars
when the woman blows a kiss

her kiss
on the cool side of tepid …
indian summer

…………………………………………. by ed markowski
“her kiss” – Haiku Harvest (Fall/Winter 2005)

Here are a few that Ed wrote yesterday and overnight, specially for f/k/a and International Kissing Day:

our sugar coated lips
stick for a moment…
cotton candy

cold rain
the line to the kissing booth
lengthens

a long kiss
on the fire escape…
summer wind

after the kiss
a pair of swallows reach
the vanishing point

kissing…
the sound of moths
under her porch light

………………………………………. by ed markowski

saint
valentine’s
day
a white rose and chocolate kisses
from
the
un
believer

. . . by Lee Gurga – Modern Haiku Journal (Volume 39.2, Summer 2008)

late night ice cream
our cat licks
around the spoon

….. by Hilary Tann – from Upstate Dim Sum (Vol. 2008/1)

gramps grabs his dentures —
grandma’s hiding
the watermelon

…. by dagosan

The folks at the Watermelon Promotion Board must be smiling this morning, with the spreading news coverage — just in time for the Independence Day holiday — about watermelon’s potential to combat erectile dysfuntion. See “Scientists: watermelon yields Viagara-like effects” (AP/Albany NY Times Union, July 3, 2008); and “Watermelon may have Viagara effect” (Science Daily, July 1, 2008). The Associated Press story tells us:

“A slice of cool, fresh watermelon is a juicy way to top off a Fourth of July cookout and one that researchers say has effects similar to Viagra — but don’t necessarily expect it to keep the fireworks all night long.

“Watermelons contain an ingredient called citrulline that can trigger production of a compound that helps relax the body’s blood vessels, similar to what happens when a man takes Viagra, said scientists in Texas, one of the nation’s top producers of the seedless variety.”

Tim Dowling of The Guardian sounds a bit like our Prof. Yabut, as he notes (“Is watermelon the new Viagara?,” July 3, 2008):

“We should be suspicious of news about watermelons timed to coincide with the Fourth of July, when watermelons are traditionally consumed in the US. If you’d made an earth-shattering discovery about watermelons, chances are you wouldn’t save it.

This story, however, is not entirely without merit: according to Dr Bhimu Patil, director of Texas A&M University’s Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Center (how do you improve a watermelon? Put a hat on it?). . . .”

starry night–
biting into a melon
full of seeds

parting her pink robe
–daybreak

… by Yu Chang, from A New Resonance (1999)

“starry night” – Frogpond XXI:1; Museum of Haiku Literature Award (1998)

Science Daily quotes Dr. Patil: “Watermelon may not be as organ specific as Viagra, but it’s a great way to relax blood vessels without any drug side-effects.” He also points out that:

“Previous tests have shown that lycopene is much better absorbed from tomatoes when mixed in a salad with oily vegetables like avocado or spinach,” Patil said. “That would also apply to the lycopene from watermelon, but I realize mixing watermelon with spinach or avocadoes is a very hard sell.”

No studies have been conducted to determine the timing of the consumption of oily vegetables to improve lycopene absorption, he said.

Of course, you should heed the advice of a USDA representative:

“Citrulline is found in all colors of watermelon and is highest in the yellow-fleshed types, said Penelope Perkins-Veazie, a USDA researcher in Lane, Okla.

“She said Patil’s research is valid, but with a caveat: One would need to eat about six cups of watermelon to get enough citrulline to boost the body’s arginine level. [Ed’s Note: A cup of diced watermelon (140 g.) contains about 40 calories.]

” ‘The problem you have when you eat a lot of watermelon is you tend to run to the bathroom more,’ Perkins-Veazie said.”

The Watermelom Promotion Board’s website aims to be “Your one-stop source for recipes, information and fun, all about watermelon.” [E.g., We found out that “Watermelon’s official name is Citrullus Lanatus of the botanical family Curcurbitaceae. It is cousins to cucumbers, pumpkins and squash.”] The f/k/a Gang wonders whether the WPB will be re-writing its Watermelon Lovers Page. While the site is still G-rated, we suggest you and the kids explore its “carving and fun ideas” (note to Bob Eckstein — check out the Watermelon Snowman), and the “fun facts & FAQs.”

bumper crop
a watermelon
holds the door open

……… by w.f. owen – from haiku notebook

— Of course, the Board can now add Love-Helpy to their Heart Healthy promotion [see USDA News Release “Watermelon Serves Up Medically Important Amino Acid” (Word)]

– and their Watermelon Dip Stix recipe should become quite popular

We can’t promise you ED solutions or even more traditional fireworks for the 4th of July holiday, but we can give you some related haiku and senryu:

first melon of the season
grasped…
sleeping child

the melon cooling
two days now…
no one has come

if someone comes
change into frogs!
cooling melons

unaware of the thief’s
eyes, melons
cooling in water

aligned
with the sickle moon…
the cooling melon

…. by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

Moon
and melon cooling
with us in the stream

… by peggy lyles from The Haiku Anthology (edited by Cor van den Heuvel, 3rd Ed.,1999)

choosing a melon–
a song so old
I forget why I cry

… by Billie Wilson – from New Resonance 3: Emerging Voices

My visit to Chautauqua last week had one major drawback: I missed the annual Jumpin’ Jack’s fireworks display right across the Mohawk River at/over Collins Park, in Scotia, NY.  The Scotia fireworks, which I traditionally watch from my backyard on the banks of the Mohawk, take place on the Friday before the Independence Day weekend. Click for a YouTube Video of Fireworks at Collins Park in Scotia, June 29, 2007 — with a great full moon. [update: see my photos of the 2009 Jumpin’ Jack’s fireworks]

fireworks finale!
her eyes return
to the fireflies

.. by David Giacalone – Simply Haiku, Autumn 2007, vol 5 no 3 –

Here are a few haiku as a consolation (more here):

Independence Day
after all the fireworks, the stars
still there

long after
the fireworks
a shooting star

…. by George Swede from Almost Unseen

fireworks
I close my eyes
for a second look

night train
the fireworks
you missed

…… by John Stevenson – Quiet Enough

boom! boom! ka-boom!
so many duds…
fireworks

river boat–
on a night of fireworks
still selling fireworks

… by Kobayashi ISSA, translated by D.G. Lanoue

Independence Day
next to the floats, ants carry
a butterfly corpse

…… by George Swede – The Heron’s Nest (July 2002)